The Connoisseur

I am sat with an older couple who I can tell are going to be in my booth forever. I approach them with a forced smile and ask if I can get some drinks started for them. The man looks up from his crossword puzzle and says “I will have a martini.” Ok, but I still need some specifics. “Do you want vodka or gin?” He looks up at me like I am an idiot and says, “Gin.” I guess he figured I could read his mind. “Are you going to want olives?” “Um yes! That’s what makes it a martini.” Right. He then proceeds to lecture me about martinis and explains that he wants his stirred, not shaken, and blah blah blah, he is such an experienced martini drinker, blah blah blah, he can tell when the gin is bruised and he is such a fucking connoisseur etc. Ok I get it, you really like martinis. I ask him what kind of gin the Minister of Martinis would prefer and he orders the WELL. Wow! All that bullshit and you order the HOUSE GIN? You are a class act sir. I will make sure to stir that plastic bottle gin real nice so you can taste all the notes of bullshit and cheap liquor. Idiot.

- Megan

5 Comments

  • waitersfriend

    January 5, 2010

    Ahh Megan the martini drinker can be the most pedantic of all. The Waitersfriend team does love a superbly mixed martini we also enjoy experiencing different versions from different mixologist. This guy as cheap as he may be is probably just getting into realm of the mighty martini, those of us bestowed with the experience of seasoned drinkers know how to navigate and appreciate the inquiry that ensures the drink arrives just the way we like it.

    This guy with the “little bit of information is dangerous” inflection will one day wake up and understand the embarrassment of his pompous, pretentious snarling. He will reflect on the coolness of the girl who was able to deliver his glass of house gin that got washed around in some unfiltered water made into ice that had been sitting around in an ice well for a couple of hours being well seasoned with all things airborne in a busy bar then garnished with olives that have been handled by nearly everyone front and back of house.

    Karma can be such fun

  • Persagax.

    April 13, 2010

    as a server-and a martini drinker- i love this. i used to get it at least once a week, the “i’ll have a martini.” with no specifics. thankfully it hasn’t been so bad since a martini bar opened near us, but i would always give anyone who ordered just a martini the house gin. 9 times out of 10 they’d send it back, but they always learned a lesson in being specific.

  • StuckServing

    April 13, 2010

    Haha, that is great! Thanks for all of the comments and participating on the site!

  • Max

    November 24, 2010

    I’ve just entered the world of (vodka) martinis, and they are my new love; dirty or not. However, I know enough to specify how I would like it because a martini isn’t just another mixed drink.

  • Sasha

    February 1, 2013

    Persagax you should be fired. You purposely waste company alcohol? It’s not that hard to ask how a customer wants their martini if they don’t specify…

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