I am sat with an older couple who I can tell are going to be in my booth forever. I approach them with a forced smile and ask if I can get some drinks started for them. The man looks up from his crossword puzzle and says “I will have a martini.” Ok, but I still need some specifics. “Do you want vodka or gin?” He looks up at me like I am an idiot and says, “Gin.” I guess he figured I could read his mind. “Are you going to want olives?” “Um yes! That’s what makes it a martini.” Right. He then proceeds to lecture me about martinis and explains that he wants his stirred, not shaken, and blah blah blah, he is such an experienced martini drinker, blah blah blah, he can tell when the gin is bruised and he is such a fucking connoisseur etc. Ok I get it, you really like martinis. I ask him what kind of gin the Minister of Martinis would prefer and he orders the WELL. Wow! All that bullshit and you order the HOUSE GIN? You are a class act sir. I will make sure to stir that plastic bottle gin real nice so you can taste all the notes of bullshit and cheap liquor. Idiot.