The Stupidest Questions I’ve Been Asked

Okay, I’ve posted once before, but once again, I’m going to say I live
in Scotland, so if I use British spelling, I apologise! Also, we use
pounds here, instead of dollars, so I will type pounds instead of

Picture of an authentic Neapolitan Pizza Margh...

Image via Wikipedia

Anyway, I work in my dad’s pizza restaurant, and these are the
silliest questions I’ve been asked:

“Do you serve pizza here?” Note: He was holding the menu in front of
him, which had several pictures of the pizzas we sell.

“Can you make sure there’s no chocolate on my pizza? I’m allergic to
chocolate.” Chocolate on a pizza? Wow…. I don’t know whether I
should be revolted or not….

“Can you make my pizza with no dough?” …. Huh?

“Is this real ham? You know, the stuff you get from a cow?” Er….
That was a hard one to reply to. It was hard to keep a strait face.

“Is this cheese fake or as real as those lovely boobs you have look?”
Uh…. Thanks?

“Can you keep the ice cream out my dessert? I’m lactose intolerant.”
Note: She’d drank about three glasses of milk during her meal.

“If I stalked you, would you give me a discount?” Um… No…?

And possibly the weirdest question I’ve been asked:

“Can I buy your eyes? They’re so pretty.” Um….

And that’s all I should put, before I end up going on forever.

– Lizzie

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  • Server In Arms

    February 26, 2011

    Yip definitely some really stupid questions there….

    Lately I was asked the one of the most stupid questions in the restaurant I work at…

    Guest – “Is the HOT Chocolate, HOT?”
    Me – “Uhm…… Yeah, after all it is HOT Chocolate”
    Her companions were dumbfounded at her and she looked like she could melt into her seat and disappear…. I really wanted to ask her if she was really a blonde.

  • joel

    February 26, 2011

    hy everyone, hy Lizzie , i will follow your blog.please follow my blog too.
    waitermood( Edinburgh) , i just found your blog randomly. cheers” waitermood”


  • Trajin

    March 2, 2011

    These are all pretty funny (and some little creepy) and you reminded me of a dumb question I was asked. I can actually imagine this happening to a lot of servers.
    The guest was looking at the menu for a while and finally decided she wanted a salad but needed to let me know that she was a vegetarian first. “That’s fine we have lots of vegetarian options on our salad menu” I quickly replied. “This one looks good,” she started “is there any meat in this salad?” she asked as she pointed to the menu. I was caught off guard for a second, “Is there any meat in the Chinese CHICKEN Salad?” I repeated. It’s the little things that keep me going.

  • Lizzie

    March 2, 2011

    Server In Arms ~ Yeah… I worry about people sometimes…

    Wow. You were really asked that? That makes me even more worried about people’s intelligence

    Trajin ~ The creepy ones are always the ones I don’t like. Stupid ones, I can handle (Most of the time) Creepy ones are a little harder to deal with, for me anyway.

    Yeah, we do get a lot of people asking us if there’s a vegetarian option, when it quite clearly says next each selection whether there’s meat in it or not….

    But, asking if there’s meat in a chicken salad? Wow. I don’t think I’ve had that yet….

  • Renee

    March 6, 2011

    These are pretty bad, I’m a waitress in a pizza place too, so I hear some of these questions also. The latest was “How much do your $10.00 pizzas cost?” It was really hard to answer without sounding like a smart aleck…

  • Heidi

    March 11, 2011

    My favorite “Pizza” Question here in the states is “How big is your 12 inch Pizza?” I get asked that alot, usually followed by “Does the 12 inch have more or less slices than the 16″?”. mmmm????

  • Jennifer

    March 25, 2011

    So funny. I have been asked colorful questions too. I worked in a Pizza Restaurant in NY for over 4years and luckily we didn’t get asked many stupid questions about pizza ( Lots of Italians Live in NY , Fuggettaboutit) But, I do get a lot of questions about my appearance and social life.

  • DICK

    April 22, 2011

    How hard can a waitress suck a cock?

    Pretty hard, they suck at everything.

  • Sarah

    May 23, 2011

    I had a good one the other day:

    “I’ll take water if you have it.”

    Sorry lady, we’re fresh out.

  • E

    June 21, 2011

    Has anyone else been asked for a hot milkshake? Maybe it’s a thing in a different country (I’m from Oz) but here we make milkshakes with cold milk, ICECREAM and flavouring. This guy asked me for a hot milkshake once and before I had a chance to even question it he went off on a rant about how everyone thinks he’s weird when he asks that but it’s totally normal, how could people not have heard of hot milkshakes, it’s not hard to make, “You know what I’m talking about right?” I was a bit gobsmacked and I said something like “well yes that IS an unusual request because milkshakes are made with ICECREAM” and he started mumbling to himself. I ended up charging him for a milkshake and made him a hot chocolate in a metal milkshake cup! He drank it and didn’t say a word. Go figure.

  • Jordo

    June 26, 2011

    I had these
    * I see here that you have mashed sweet potatoes. What is that?
    *What are fried green tomatoes?
    * Do you have tea without ice?

  • dave brown

    August 22, 2011

    Hey DICK,your name sums you up very well

  • Paul

    November 8, 2012

    there is a couple of pizza chins here in the states who serve a chocolate pizza as a dessert pizza – and is very good I might add.

  • Robert

    February 7, 2013

    Probably an urban legend or joke but…

    How many slices in your pizza?
    The small is six slices and the large has eight slices.
    Hmmm, I want a large but I don’t think I can eat eight slices…can you cut it into six slices?

    And it comes from the other side too. One night my wife and I went out to eat at a mid-level chain restaurant. My wife ordered a salad for her dinner entree and the waitress asked her if she s would like a salad with that. Wife replied, “No thanks, no salad with my salad!” Then she turned to me and I ordered the half roast chicken breast.
    Waitress: And how would you like that done?
    Me: Uhmm…cooked?

    Turns out someone had called in sick and she was on the tail end of a double shift. We all had a good laugh (and we gave her a great tip).

  • Rasputin

    September 9, 2013

    Oh the lovely customers. Chocolate pizza here is actually a dessert so maybe they weren’t from there :) and the what’s in things always got me. Then I was told I was mouthing off or being a smart ass for my answers. I always got customers with sticks up their butts and rarely would I get people who laugh even when what I said was an accident. Someone (I was hostess and only SAT them) asked for a Roy Rogers or some kind of drink. When I said I didn’t know what it was they looked at me like I was an alien. I told them I don’t make drinks I host and I cashier and that’s IT. They told me what they wanted and I did literally what they said but now I know better that’s not what they meant cause I love the drink and don’t like when it’s made the way I made it. I just never heard of it and thought the customer was weird at the time.

  • katie

    November 13, 2013

    i work in a restaurant in liverpool, england. it is standard procedure when we sit guests to take over a jug of iced water, one lad stopped me as i was about to leave his table and said to me, ‘this water, is it drinkable?’ and i replied, ‘no sir, we’ve spiked one of these jugs with arsenic. good luck’ – i think he realised at that point what a ridiculous question it was.

    also had a woman ask me, ‘do you have a toilet or something?’ … something? pint glass? bucket? i could cup my hands for you?

    and lastly, not really a question, but a bizarre occurrence nevertheless, when you’re taking food to tables (especially large parties) and say for instance, ‘the chicken?’ somebody usually says something like ‘yep, laura’s having the chicken’ forgetting that i have absolutely NO idea who they are.

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