My restaurant is in the middle of a crazy rush. I must have 8 tables, one being a party of 12. Of course, people just keep pouring in through the door expecting fast service. The hostess seats with me a party of 2 right next to my big party. The big party gets ice cream included in their meal, my favorite. As I am taking the order for the ice cream, I stop by the new table and tell the man and woman that I will be with them in a second, and that the hostess will get their drinks started for them. As I am passing out all of these ice creams, running my ass off, I watch as the hostess gets their drinks (2 waters) and gives them some bread to munch on. I return to their table no more than 5 minutes since they have been seated and ask how they are doing. “Hungry.” says the woman in a sarcastic and bitchy tone. Great they are pissed. I get their order put in, (the lady only orders a salad, she must be starving) and the guy gets chicken or something. I check back with them but they haven’t touched their waters or bread and say that they don’t need anything. Keep in mind that they have a front row seat to watch me scurry around the restaurant with all my other tables. Their food is ready really quick and I drop it off and ask if there is anything else I can get for them. They do not respond and just look at me like I am an asshole so I leave. By the end of their meal they still have not touched their drinks and they do not need boxes. I drop the check and then watch as the man goes over to talk to my manager. I couldn’t believe it. He actually complained that the hostess (who got them everything they needed right away while they were waiting) was very rude to them and that I was “the most inattentive waiter he had ever seen”. Then he stiffed me. Haha! What the hell do you want me to do when you don’t drink your water or touch your fucking bread??? That was the best service you ever got in your life dick!

- Mr. Inattentive

It is a busy Tuesday night and I get sat with a party of 3. Two guys and a lady. I approach the table and ask if I can get them anything to drink. The two guys order Cokes, and the lady says she doesn’t want anything to drink at all. “Are you sure you don’t just want a water?” “Um……ok, I guess.” Wow its not that big a deal lady. For a lady that didn’t want a fucking thing to drink in the first place, I must have gotten her about 15 refills. Just order something to drink when I ask you and save us all the fucking hassle when you finally do get thirsty.

- Mike

Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?

Customer: Yeah. I will have a water, make sure to bring it with a lemon.

Waiter: Wow, you are so fucking sophisticated! Don’t break the bank on that beverage you cheap fucking asshole!

- Peter

I am clearing plates off of my table of 2 and ask them how everything is going. The old guy sitting at the table looks up at me with a pompous glare in his eye and points down at the table to a very small amount of water. “I am guessing that means you want me to wipe that off for you?” “Yeah. If you don’t mind,” he says as if the thought of eating with that tiny speck of water THAT HE SPILLED is just unbearable. I explain to my busser that this guy is a stupid prick and send him over to wipe up the “mess”. The busser comes back over to me and says that the guy cleaned it up himself because I took too long. Thats fine, now he has an extra clean table while I make sure he waits extra long for his food. 

- Mike

I approach my weird family table with a pitcher of ice water, intending to refill their glasses and keep the chit chat to a minimum, they had other ideas. They begin asking me about my life, school, everything. So I carry on the conversation bubbling with fake enthusiasm and interest. As I am filling up one of the glasses, the quasi-attractive daughter asks me about my tie. I go into the whole story of how I got the tie and the funny comments people have made about it. They all start laughing, but not at my story. While I was distracted I neglected to pay attention to how full the glass was getting. I look down and see that I am just overflowing water all over the floor and my shoes while carrying on this conversation. If these people weren’t so stupid I may have been embarrassed, luckily they were. 

-Frank

I was travelling in up State New York while working a sales job and
stopped for lunch. My table was in an elevated section so I could
diagonally look down. Below me was a table with perhaps 6 customers.
The waiter came over with a tray of water glasses and proceeded to tip
a glass off and nail one of the guys at the table. The waiter
apologized and there were several restaurant personnel that rushed
over, changed the tablecloth, and made things “right”. The same
waiter comes back to the table with another tray of water and proceeds
to dumb another glass of water off his tray on exactly the same
customer, who immediately stood up looking like he had just taken a
massive horse piss in his pants. The embarrassed waiter basically just
stood there, made a small hmmmm sound like Curley of the Three
Stooges, and stomped his feet, still holding the now empty tray. Again
there was a wave of restaurant personnel scurrying around making
things “right” again. The waiter said to the now “moist”
patron “I am sorry sir, that has never happened to me before.” To
which the patron immediately quipped back “First day on the job no
doubt.” I don’t recall if they then changed waiters for that table
but if they did not his tip would likely have been “Change Professions”.

-Geo