So I get sat this table of 6 women tonight and I think I’ve hit the
jackpot! They look like just the kind of women who are gonna sit there
and get drunk, order maybe $150 worth of sushi, and leave me a nice
hefty tip.

But… upon looking at them more carefully, I realize that one of them
is a hated customer of mine. I hadn’t recognized her at first because
I had never seen her in the place without her husband. Let’s just say
that this woman is very nice and polite, but she runs me like a
treadmill, like to unbelievable proportions, and her husband tips me
10% at the most. So one night when they came in I decided “fuck it”…
and I was incredibly rude to them. Rude enough that now every time
they come in they request NOT to be seated in my section.

So tonight I figure that I am screwed with these ladies if this one
woman decides to blow it for me, which I have a very strong feeling
she will. And she does. I just know it. Because when I sat these
ladies all seemed right with the world. But upon bringing out their
appetizers, their attitudes have changed. And I just KNOW that in my
absence this blonde bitch has poisoned these women to me. I get so
pissed. I run into the kitchen fuming, throwing words like “cunt,
ho-bag, bitch ass whore dog” around, sounding like a paranoid weirdo
to my coworkers who can’t seem to see the problem. And of course I
can’t exactly explain the problem either but I still TRY, sounding
like a loony all the while.

Anyway, the poison-mouthed lady pulls her same old shit, as usual.
Smiles at me all sugary sweet as she runs me back and forth and back
and forth throughout their meal.

Finally, something totally unexpected happens. I am in the back
filling soda’s, out of view of the floor but still within earshot…
and I hear this laughter coming from that table of ladies. And then I
hear these magic words ring forth from the giggles “The waitress isn’t
MEAN, Sheila! You’re just ANNOYING!!!” And they’re all cracking up,
including annoying Sheila. I can’t stop smiling, and I thank my lucky
stars that I had still given this table the respect they deserved,
despite my belief that it was lost cause (tip wise). I run into the
kitchen to try and validate my previous temper tantrum, but of course
no one understands.

Anyway, this is just a reminder to all of us to stay on the right
track… even when a lost cause is staring you in the face. They left
me a 20% tip, by the way.

- At Your Service

I work in a very small restaurant with only 2 other waiters, and one
of those waiters is my arch nemesis. I hate him with a fiery passion,
but have to deal with him. He covers the dinner shift alone every
Sunday night… but consistently calls out and/or asks me to work for
him Sundays. Because let’s face it: most Sunday nights suck for tips.

I decided to work for him one Sunday (even though I usually don’t try
to do him any favors, just to spite him). I was bored and figured I
could use a little extra cash. Even if I only made $20, it’d be worth
it.

I get there at 5 pm. I wait on 2 tables by 6 pm. One of them stiffs
me. The other, a single, leaves me $2. I leave at 6:30 fairly annoyed
at my luck and my $2 in tips, kicking myself for the bad luck I spared
my arch nemesis by taking his shift.

The next night, my usual Monday dinner shift alone, I make a whopping
$20 in tips. I leave, once again early and annoyed at my crappy tips.

When I get home my husband asks how work was. I answer: “Pretty good!
I made 10 times more than I did last night!”
-At Your Service

Ok so I work at an italian resturant and for our dinner crowd, we
don’t sell a lot of coffee, we sell more wine and margaritas and such.
Well I had my first decaf drinker of the shift so of course I had to
make a new pot of coffee since we don’t premake the decaf. ( we would
end up throwing the whole thing out normally) Well everything’s fine I
get her the coffee. At the end of the meal she asks for another cup of
coffee. Problem number 1: Since I’m a new server to the company I’m
only allowed a 3 table section…and one of my tables is going to sit
there for an hour after they pay and just talk… Thanks ladies…
Problem 2: I walk back up to the table and ask if everything’s ok. The
lady tells me that her coffee is way too strong… Um, lady its the
same coffee you just had 20 minutes ago… I just went back to the
station poured her a new cup of the exact same coffee, put a bit of
hot water in it and gave it back to her. Apparently she was satisfied
and I ended up with an 18% tip. All in an night’s work…

- Bri

One day when I was serving I got sat with a grumpy old guy who was by himself. I see him sit down and start reading the paper. I approach the table and say, “Hello sir! How are you doing today?” He keeps looking at the paper and says, “Merlot, lasagna, minestrone, and some bread,” never even bothering to look at me. How polite. Needless to say I took my sweet time on getting him anything and not surprisingly he tipped me like shit. The only solace I could take was knowing that I was getting that dollar tip no matter what, so why go above and beyond with service? I could have done a back flip with a full tray and pulled his lasagna out of a hat and he wouldn’t have even noticed. Thanks for the tip!

- J

It is a busy Friday night and I get sat with a really nice family. A very young brother and sister, and the parents. They are all very polite and I tell them I will get them started with some drinks. The mother looks at me and says very calmly, “I will have an iced tea, but I want half vodka, half tea, and please keep them coming!” I was a little startled and as was nodding my head to show that I understood the little girl jumps up on the booth and exclaims “IT’S MOMMY’S BIRTHDAY AND SHE IS CELEBRATING!!” She certainly was. After about 5 of these half tea half vodka concoctions she was pretty tipsy. The husband just sat there drinking a coke and letting his wife have a great time. I gave her a free dessert and when I brought the check the same little girl says “MOMMY REALLY LIKES YOU, YOU MADE HER BIRTHDAY FUN!” I guess she did like me, when I saw my tip I thought it was my birthday!

- Blair

A few nights ago I was at “mystery restaurant” working and I noticed my section and the girl’s section next to me had cleared out all at the same time even though it was still pretty busy. As I went up to the desk to see what was up, I saw the host coming toward our section with a huge group of people and realized they were seating one huge party separately in our sections. When he sat them (a party of 25), I asked him why they sat them like that, he replied, “because the host of the party requested it so she would not be charged with gratuity (18%).” As I turned around to see 4 of my tables sat and 5 of hers sat at the same time, I realized there is nothing worse than knowing you are gonna be fucked over on your tip before you even start serving the table. This is gonna be a looooong night.

-Conz

It is another wonderful day at the restaurant. I am sure you have all encountered this situation in some way or another, but I have never seen it go down quite like this. I get sat with an older party of six. I am making my way around the table taking drink orders, when one man sitting on the edge taps me on the side and whispers, “I get the check.” “No problem,” I whisper with a wink for added effect. The wink produced the desired result of making him uncomfortable and I moved on to the rest of the table. I get their drinks and take their order, they are pretty easy and not demanding at all. After dropping the plates another gentleman two people over from the first guy says to me, “Make sure I get the check, ok?” “You know what sir, this gentleman over here beat you to it. I already promised him the check.” This guy gets angry (old people always argue about who gets to pay, well, when they don’t have you split it to the penny) and demands the check. The other guy tells him that he is paying and they go back and forth. Fortunately I know just what to do in these situations. After their argument/meal, I bring the check and drop it right between the two of them. They both grab at it frantically and are suddenly engaged in an all out tug of war. They get up from their seats and start pulling as hard as they can and yelling at each other until the second man emerges victorious. It was ridiculous. I come back and take the bill while the loser gives me the stare of death. After they leave I return to the table and collect my 10 percent tip, looks like the worse tipper won, but it was worth it for the show.

- Jeff

I was working my (usually slow) lunch shift when a twitchy, poorly
groomed man came in. I sat him and before I could even bring him
water, he approached me to tell me his order on the way to the
bathroom. Upon his return to his booth, he informed me that his order
was to go, because he “had to get to a party.” While waiting for his
food, I thought I observed him changing a bandage on his hand, but I
didn’t say anything. When I went to collect his money left on the
table a short time later, I found he had left me no tip, but a handful
of trash from his pockets that included fingernail clippings and used
bandages. I then found the used earplug he deposited on the bench.
I’ve never felt the need for a hazmat suit so badly. I still feel like
I need to shower every time I think of him.

-Tina

One evening I was greeted by a table of 2. A normal looking guy, and his girlfriend….with the amazing rack. “Hi how are you guys doing tonight”, I stammered staring at her chest. Fuck, I didn’t mean to be so blatant, I hope they didn’t notice. I quickly avert my gaze and make strong eye contact with the woman. She stares at me with a look that suggests she just caught me staring at her breasts. I decide to focus on the gentleman, again strong eye contact is made. He looks at me with a look that suggests he wants to kill me for staring at his girlfriend’s breast. Fuck. I decide to just roll with it, but I am so embarrassed that I  can’t stop laughing. I literally had to take a minute and try to calm myself down. I tried to recover by telling them the specials, but conveniently could not remember them, and just ended up sounding more like a jackass. I somehow got there order, finished serving them, and enjoyed the 10 percent tip I was expecting.

-Eric