I have been in the service industry for six years and I have had some
very nasty tables. But this one really sticks out in my head. I was
working a morning shift and just after the lunch rush I get a two-top
of middle-aged ladies. I walk over to greet them and before I can
properly introduce myself, one of the ladies yells out, “Please, I am
dying of thirst can you run and grab me a water?” The other lady
quickly spits out she wants an ice tea. I grab their drinks and am
setting them down in front of them not 15 seconds later. The lady who
orders the water then says, “Oh thank you, you are a life savior. I
love you…. I bet your mom never told you that.” I was dumbfounded
and with a very hard edge in my voice (mom is deceased) said, “EXCUSE
ME?!” She didn’t look back at me and started a conversation with her
friend. I left the table and had a co-worker take it. I went out back
to smoke to stop myself from losing it.

- Joe

My table of two ladies has just finished eating. I approach the table with a smile on my face and say, “Do you ladies want to finish up with any chocolate cake or tiramisu for dessert?” They look at each other horrified for about 5 seconds and then one lady turns to me and says, “we don’t want any German Soup!” I had to walk away cuz I was laughing too hard.

- Dan

I get to work and am immediately sat with a party of 5 old bitchy ladies. My favorite. “Hi, how are you ladies doing today?” “Water,” one lady says to me as if I am sub-human. “And my name is Danny, I will be taking care of you.” “We are going to need 5 separate checks.” “Ok, but it is going to take a little longer at the end when I have to split those all up.” “No its not.” Wow, I hate these bitches. “Right, well anyway, it is.” So after trying to get their drink orders, one lady said yes to every single drink that I mentioned, I get everything put in and try to avoid them like the plague. After dinner I separate their checks, but needing a little revenge I put 5 split checks in one check book, and also give them 4 more with nothing in them. The look on their faces was priceless. The funny thing is, instead of pissing them off it made them laugh and they tipped me good! Not quite the effect I was hoping for but I will take it!

- Danny