One night I was blessed to have a table with some very attractive ladies. Always a plus. They were really flirty and I felt I was doing a good job (not only on the tip but maybe a number too). They enjoyed everything and at the end of the meal they decided to have some coffee. I brought the coffee cups over and began chatting with the girl on the end while pouring the coffee. I was pulling out all my best waiter material and making her laugh. Just when I thought everything was going perfect I noticed that I had been overflowing her cup all over the table while I sat there laughing like an idiot and thinking I was smooth. Needless to say I didn’t get that number.

- Smooth Operator

Ok so I work at an italian resturant and for our dinner crowd, we
don’t sell a lot of coffee, we sell more wine and margaritas and such.
Well I had my first decaf drinker of the shift so of course I had to
make a new pot of coffee since we don’t premake the decaf. ( we would
end up throwing the whole thing out normally) Well everything’s fine I
get her the coffee. At the end of the meal she asks for another cup of
coffee. Problem number 1: Since I’m a new server to the company I’m
only allowed a 3 table section…and one of my tables is going to sit
there for an hour after they pay and just talk… Thanks ladies…
Problem 2: I walk back up to the table and ask if everything’s ok. The
lady tells me that her coffee is way too strong… Um, lady its the
same coffee you just had 20 minutes ago… I just went back to the
station poured her a new cup of the exact same coffee, put a bit of
hot water in it and gave it back to her. Apparently she was satisfied
and I ended up with an 18% tip. All in an night’s work…

- Bri

One night I had a table of two middle aged guys. Well, for about 40 minutes it was one guy waiting around for the other one. He decides that he is going to order because his friend is really late. So he finishes his food and as I am taking his plate his friend shows up. I get the friend a plate and leave them to their own devices. I come back a couple minutes later and see that they now have a big ass folder out with a bunch of business papers everywhere. It appears that the first guy is trying to sell something to the non-punctual guy. Looks like it is going to be a long stay…it was. I left them alone for a good hour and a half and finally they were ready for the check. I drop the check and tell them to have a good night. They take off and leave me 15 bucks on a 40 dollar check. Now I love them. About an hour later I see the original guy come back into the restaurant. “Your still here?” I exclaim. “Yeah….we are still talking…I am so tired of it,” he laughs heading for the bathroom. “Ya I bet. You want a cup of coffee?” “Yeah sure!” He goes into the bathroom and I get a cup of coffee and set it on our bar. He comes out 1 minute later, heading for the door. “Here is your coffee!” I yell as he walks past. “Oh, no way man! No way!” He then rushes out the door. What the hell?

- Confused As Hell

It is another crazy night at the restaurant and I am sat with a middle aged couple. They are very nice and require very little attention, my favorite. The lady orders a coke and the man asks for a coffee with cream. I return with their drinks and begin taking the order. While the lady is ordering I watch as the man opens up one of the coffee creamers and shoots it down like a shot of tequila. I do a double take and have to ask the lady twice whether she said salad or soup. I am convinced that I imagined the event until I ask him what he would like for dinner and he responds by taking another shot of creamer, leaving his coffee untouched. I take his order for a steak and return to the computer to send it in. When I get back to the table with the salads I notice that there are about 5 empty creamer containers all stacked neatly on the table. “Do you need some more creamer for your…um…coffee?” I ask setting down his salad. The man looks over to his wife with a guilty smile only to be met with her cold gaze and then looks up at me. “No, I think I have been cut off.” He never did touch that coffee.

- Blair

Had a customer come in today with a list of drinks for me… wrote em
on the cups then she said she would also like “a grande iced venti..”
i said, which size do you want, a grande or a venti? and what drink?
she looked at me like i was an idiot then said it again “I want a
grande iced venti” seriously took me about 5 minutes with a line to
the door to explain to this dip shit that THERE IS NO GRANDE ICED
VENTI…!! Grande and Venti are the sizes of the drink! dumb ass.

- Becky

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Customer comes in and asks me for an Iced Grande Cappucinno. I
proceed to explain to this lady that a cappucinno is steamed milk and
half foam…she decided to say “so then pour it over ice” I said
“ma’am that still doesn’t work, it defeats the purpose of a REAL
cappucinno. She just didn’t want to be wrong. So…of course to the
best of our ability we made her this ridiculous request. We call her
drink out and she walks up looking confused…but still refuses to
admit she ordered the wrong fucking drink. next time stop and think
that we actually get paid to know what were doing! If you can’t
appreciate a good cappucinno a REAL cappucino then don’t get it.
Stupid Ass people.

- Becky

Today, I was taking care of the entire bar which decided to become
full in one swift parade of people. Working the bar, servers can show
their ability to multitask all of their tables as one big table to
keep everyone happy. So, I bring a coffee to this table of foreigners
who were shocked I didn’t bring the man a cup too, although I was sure
they said 1 cup of coffee.

Me: Oh, wow, I’m sorry sir. I’ll get that coffee for you. It looks
like you two are ready to order though, what can I get for you?

Man: You will get my coffee first, and then I will order

Me: Okay.

Of course, without any hesitation whatsoever, I continue to help the 3
other tables surrounding his. Taking food orders, drink orders, and
even bringing bread and butter to a table. Then, getting the man’s
coffee with the other 3 table’s drinks, I bring his beverage last.

They apologized for the coffee comment.

With a 10% tip.

- Tim

Here I am on the Espresso Bar at this dear coffee shop  i’ve worked at
ENTIRELY too long… Customer walks in.. I am the only one on the
floor. I proceed to the register and with the biggest bullshit fake
smile on my face say “hello there, how are you? can i get a drink
started?”.. without any acknowledgment to what I just said she looks
at me and says “Venti Chai tea latte , soy no water and extra foam”. I
say ok.. 4.65 please…she throws the money down without acknowledging
the tip jar of course. then I go to the bar to make this bitch her
drink. I steam the SOY milk put the chai pumps in and do as i’m
told…I then put the drink on the bar and with yet another bullshit
fake smile call the drink out “I have a Venti Soy No water Extra FOamy
Chai at the Bar for Sara”… So then sara walks up looks at me and
says “it’s SOY right?” I’M SORRY ARE YOU DEAF???! I’m pretty sure I
just yelled out(and i’m loud) a Venti SOY no water extra foamy
chai….. pay attention next time … ugh! I’m pretty sure, she was
just a blonde domestic barbie doll bitch that might brake her face if
she actually squeezed out a smile. consider then next time you go into
a coffee shop…listen for your drink!

-Becky

I have just finished filling up one of my tables’ cups with coffee, and I am escorting two old ladies to my section, coffee pot in hand. I seat them and the lady says to me, “Thank you so much for moving us, it was so loud over there.” “Not a problem”, I reply, “it was too loud to even hear yourself think huh?” I give a stereotypical fake-ass waiter laugh and wheel around with the coffee pot to go to the drink station. In the midst of my maneuver, I slam the coffee pot up against the bar, shattering the glass inside, and it begins dripping coffee everywhere. Not wanting to make a mess I instinctively put my hand underneath it to catch the dripping coffee. I learned two things that day. One, coffee is hot. Two, I am an idiot.