My restaurant is in the middle of a crazy rush. I must have 8 tables, one being a party of 12. Of course, people just keep pouring in through the door expecting fast service. The hostess seats with me a party of 2 right next to my big party. The big party gets ice cream included in their meal, my favorite. As I am taking the order for the ice cream, I stop by the new table and tell the man and woman that I will be with them in a second, and that the hostess will get their drinks started for them. As I am passing out all of these ice creams, running my ass off, I watch as the hostess gets their drinks (2 waters) and gives them some bread to munch on. I return to their table no more than 5 minutes since they have been seated and ask how they are doing. “Hungry.” says the woman in a sarcastic and bitchy tone. Great they are pissed. I get their order put in, (the lady only orders a salad, she must be starving) and the guy gets chicken or something. I check back with them but they haven’t touched their waters or bread and say that they don’t need anything. Keep in mind that they have a front row seat to watch me scurry around the restaurant with all my other tables. Their food is ready really quick and I drop it off and ask if there is anything else I can get for them. They do not respond and just look at me like I am an asshole so I leave. By the end of their meal they still have not touched their drinks and they do not need boxes. I drop the check and then watch as the man goes over to talk to my manager. I couldn’t believe it. He actually complained that the hostess (who got them everything they needed right away while they were waiting) was very rude to them and that I was “the most inattentive waiter he had ever seen”. Then he stiffed me. Haha! What the hell do you want me to do when you don’t drink your water or touch your fucking bread??? That was the best service you ever got in your life dick!

- Mr. Inattentive

My absolute favorite is going to a table getting their drink order and
as I’m leaving say, “Alright, I’ll be right back with your drinks and
some bread” and one person at the table responds with, “oh great, and
can we get some bread?” Sure jackass, and by the way thanks for
letting me know now that you’re not going to listen to anything i say
tonight. i bet you’ll listen when i shove that bread down your throat.

- Anna

I approach my party of two ladies. I introduce myself and ask if they have any questions about the menu. “Hmm, I don’t know,” says one lady, “everything just looks so good. I am starving!” I recommend a couple dishes and go grab their drinks. I return to the table fairly certain that the ladies are going to order some of the dishes that I suggested, which should make for a nice little check. I set down the drinks and one of the ladies looks inquisitively at me and says, “how is your ranch dressing?” The wind in my sails instantly vanishes. “Well it is a pretty standard ranch dressing, nothing too special.” “Mmm that sounds really good, I will have the soup and salad.” Fuck. I turn, defeated, to the other lady at the table and wince as she says, “I will have the same thing.” God why are you going out to dinner? As I turn to walk away, thinking that it couldn’t get any worse, I hear an awful sound. “Can we get some bread?”

- Blair

So I am getting sat like three tables at the same time. I greet my first table, take there drink order, and move on to greet my next table. After I introduce myself the lady at the tables makes a stunning observation. “You are getting pretty busy in here huh?” “Yup, looks that way doesn’t it.” “Well we are pretty hungry, can you bring us bread before you greet anymore of your tables?” Of course! Let me neglect my other tables and take extra special care of your CHEAP ASS! Guess which table had to wait the longest for bread?