Mmmmmm….Bacon

Years ago, I worked as a waitress at a local chain Steakhouse (the
worst). It was Easter Sunday, and the last day of my two-week notice
before I left for my current serving job (a dream come true, by the
way…). I got sat at the table farthest from the kitchen… a family
of four, but the size of a family of eight, if you catch my drift.
Naturally, they all order sweet tea and coke, not that I am the least
surprised. And I don’t even flinch when I’m refilling their drinks for
the third time before they even order. But this… ohhh this…
Nothing could have prepared me for this.

The oldest child, who was about 12 and was closely approaching his
father in size, orders his (adult) meal. He also orders himself a side
salad. I ask, “what dressing would you like on your salad?” (Lemmie
guess. Ranch?) He answers: “ALL I WANT on my salad is: RANCH,
CROUTONS, BACON, and CHEESE.” In my head, I’m thinking, “Jesus,
they’re going to let him eat that way, I guess.”

And then… in chimes his mother…

“He don’t want no lettuce.”

ಠ_ಠ

This isn’t real. This can’t be happening.
So I repeat it back. I heard correctly. This kid wants his “salad”
completely devoid of nutrition entirely, and his mother wants to make
sure I understood what he meant.

So I pull a bowl from the chiller, and create a “bed” of croutons, and
cringing all the while, I mound bacon bits atop the crouton hill. On
top of that, I glob the Ranch/mortar over the already colorless bowl
of heart-attack. I then sprinkle thick shreds of cheddar cheese over
this monstrosity, and carry it to the table (after making sure
everyone saw what was about to be devoured by a young child).

On the verge of gagging, I set it in front of his ravenous eyes, and
walk away as soon as the fork hits the bowl.

As I return to refill the teas for the 6th time, I notice the younger
brother, about 7, is having a little tantrum. His mother asks, “Well
what do you want?!?!? The food is almost ready!!” To which the kid
replies,

“I DON’T KNOW, SOME BACON OR SOMETHING!!”

Of course I had one of those moments where I saw myself from the
outside, standing there with the big, dark pitcher of tea, in front of
this family that eats bacon for an appetizer, and I imagined how
wonderful my new job would be.

6 Comments

  • AndHeDrew

    November 5, 2012

    Wow, that’s terrible. Seems a little like child abuse, doesn’t it? What an amazing/horrific story.

  • Ali

    November 5, 2012

    Similarly, on the last night in my old restaurant, I had a family with an overweight 3-4 year old. He refused any of the kids meals (I even told him how “good” the Mac and cheese was) and when my attempts failed his mother says “he only will eat French fries”, and when I told her we didn’t have any she sent her older son out to McDonald’s for French fries. She literally let her child only eat French fries on demand!!! I wanted to vomit

  • Jpop

    November 9, 2012

    I have a 7 year old nephew that is morbidly obese. He pretty much tells my in-laws, who are his parents now due to a non-involved mother, what he is going to eat. How much. And when. His pants size relfects this, believe me. He can also knock back Cokes like you’ve never seen. Your story reminded me of him.

    Anyway – last summer we went out to eat with them at a steakhouse. The adults decided to split a loaded nacho as an appetizer. First, the plates were brought out. He literally started drooling, breathing heavy, and squirming in the seat with anticipation. Then, the nachos arrive. He declares as loud as can be, *grunt* “I WANT ALL THE CHIPS ON THE TOPPP!”.

    I said with thick hate & sarcasm, “Oh course you do. EVERYONE does. The top chips are the ones that have access to all the cheese, meat, onions, olives, etc. Nobody wants the chips buried in the middle that are plain!” He just gives me that screw-you-b*tch glare as he pulled the WHOLE PLATE towards himself and dug in with his nasty hands.

    God, he is disgusting!

  • Jpop

    November 9, 2012

    Oh – and can I add that he ate his sirloin and fries. Then ordered a side of mac ‘n cheese. That still wasn’t enough. He leaned over and grabbed 1/2 of my father in law’s burger. Didn’t even ask. Just took it right off the plate.

    Before they headed back to their hotel, he informed me he had told my father in law he needed a ride to Dunkin’ Donuts.

  • Simon

    November 12, 2012

    Need a little help in the restaurant industry? Try going to Culintro.com to take the weight of staffing and job searching off your shoulders.

  • allyson

    November 13, 2012

    This happens to me a lot actually! More than I would hope so.

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