I was working my (usually slow) lunch shift when a twitchy, poorly
groomed man came in. I sat him and before I could even bring him
water, he approached me to tell me his order on the way to the
bathroom. Upon his return to his booth, he informed me that his order
was to go, because he “had to get to a party.” While waiting for his
food, I thought I observed him changing a bandage on his hand, but I
didn’t say anything. When I went to collect his money left on the
table a short time later, I found he had left me no tip, but a handful
of trash from his pockets that included fingernail clippings and used
bandages. I then found the used earplug he deposited on the bench.
I’ve never felt the need for a hazmat suit so badly. I still feel like
I need to shower every time I think of him.

-Tina

I am the manager at a restaurant. We usually close at 9 pm, but since we had been so dead I made a managerial decision (and I wanted to go home) and decided to close ten minutes early. I turn off the sign and lock the front door. At 8:54 somebody begins pounding on the front door, obnoxiously. Figuring it was somebody who worked there I went and opened it. I am greeted by a fat old bitch who instantly says, “You are open till 9.” I hate her. “I am sorry miss, we have been so slow that we closed early, I can get you some food to go if you would like.” She then takes out her cell phone and shows me the time, as if I don’t already know. “You close at 9, it is only 8:54.” “Yes, we do close at 9, but as I explained it was so slow that we closed early. Do you want anything to go?” She stares at me and says to me in a cold voice, “Are you the owner?” I am a 24 year old man, who looks like he is about 19 when I shave, but somehow I must have started this restaurant back in the 70’s. “No, but I am the MANAGER.” She looks over at her fat husband who is practically sleeping in the front seat of the car and asks if he wants anything to go. He sluggishly shakes his head back and forth in what must have been a no. “I am going to call and complain about this.” Oh no, that means she will call my superiors, complain that we didn’t keep our restaurant fully staffed to serve two people when we were already closed, they will tell her to shut the fuck up, and she will still come back anyway. Who the hell comes in right when a restaurant is closing and expects to be seated? A dumb fat bitch.

- Mark

So one day this old man comes into the Italian restaurant that I work at, and I can tell from the look of him that he is an asshole (I have gotten very good at this). At the front of our store is a Gelato display case. For those of you who are not familiar with Gelato, it is basically Italian ice cream. My restaurant also carries Spumoni, which is just an Italian version of Neapolitan, but the 3 flavors are cherry, pistachio, and chocolate. Ok, moving on. So our main character walks past the Gelato case, looks inside, turns to me and says, “That Spumoni?” I reply, “Actually sir that is Gelato. Spumoni is actually like Neapolitan, but it is cherry, pistachio, and chocolate.” The man then looks at me like I don’t know what I am talking about and says, “Oh I know what Spumoni is, trust me.” Well obviously you fucking don’t because I just had to explain it to you, but thanks for being an asshole anyway. 

-Dan

3 ladies, 3 hours, 3 dollar tip. And what a surprise, the soup was too salty. Bringing the check to a grand total of 12 dollars for the 3 lovely ladies. Come back soon!

- Sarah

Me: Can I get you something to drink miss?

Lady: Does your iced tea have caffeine in it?

Me: Yes it does.

Lady: Oh, I cant have that. I am allergic to caffeine. I will just have a coke.

 Be right back with that coke and an ambulance.

- Sarah

So I am sat with a party of 20 that did not have a reservation. I approach the table and introduce myself in a very upbeat and cheerful voice. “Hi folks, I am Matt, I will be taking care of you tonight? We all out celebrating a special occasion?” To which one fellow in all black replies, “A funeral.” Open mouth, insert foot.

- Matt

So this lady and her son came in last night right after we had cut
the floor (and the floor plan for servers changed), and they were sat
at a table that just became mine. I was in the middle of a
conversation with another table who were first-time guests with tons
of questions. Not being very busy, I happily engaged them and was not
aware of the floor cut or my new table. After about 3-4 minutes,
another server got my attention to let me know to greet the new 2-top.
So I promptly end my conversation and greet the table, at which I am
met with one of the coldest stares ever from the mother. I apologize
profusely for the delay, take their drink and food order, and thank
them for their patience.

From this point on (especially cuz it is not busy) I give them
excellent service, but the lady decides that I must have offended her
and her dead relatives by making her wait and refuses to make eye
contact with me or acknowledge my presence. Of course, now that she’s
upset, the normal wait time on food (they ordered pizza, usually takes
12-15 mins, it took 14) was too long. She didn’t register an
expression or anything when I asked how the food was or if she needed
a refill. When they were through and I asked about dessert, she told
her son what to order and the son then told me, all while I was
standing there.

I understand the position of being upset at waiting, and that was my
bad, but was it so terrible to go to the point of not saying A WORD
the entire meal?? That’s more rude to me than having to wait the 3-4
extra minutes to be greeted. Her son was being more mature than she
was. Needless to say, her maturity level shone through on the 8% tip
(which surprised me that I didn’t get 0).

- Mike

One night this lady arrives earlier than her friend that she is supposed to be meeting for dinner. We seat her at a booth with a view of the front door so that she can see her friend when she comes in. I get the lady a drink and leave her alone while she is waiting. About 10 minutes later, I see another lady walk in the door, obviously looking for her friend. She sees her, and walks over to the table and sits down. I then approach the table and ask if I can get her anything to drink, to which she replies with a confused look on her face, “Is this our table?” I fucking hope so lady, why else would you and your friend be sitting here? You should have seen how confused she got with the menu. “What do you mean the meal comes with soup or salad?”

I have a full tray of drinks and I walk up to my table to set them down. I grab a coke, and begin to set it down in front of this stupid lady. As my hand is halfway to the table, obviously holding her coke, she says to me in a bitchy voice, “Ugh, where is the straw.” No fucking shit. How about you let me put down the fucking drinks first? As you can see, one of my hands has YOUR COKE in it, and the other has a tray with 7 drinks on it. Believe it or not I have heard of straws. If you would care to glance down at my apron you will see a pocket literally overflowing with these crazy tubes. Patience is a virtue, so is shutting the fuck up.

One busy night I had a 4 top. Husband and wife and two young boys.
The wife has a snotty attitude from the start, very short and
demanding with her requests. She gets pissed that she didn’t get extra
ranch with her wings so I apologize and get it. She orders a drink
from me. I go ring it in and somewhere at our busy bar the ticket gets
lost, I go to run the drink and see thats its gone so I assume that
someone ran it for me ( yeah, I know I shouldn’t have assumed) A few
minutes later I go check on them. She looks at me and says “the
manager is getting my drink since you chose to ignore me!” Confused, I
go talk to my manager who tells me that the woman told him that I
purposely ignored everything she wanted all night and that I had been
giving her husband googly eyes! Yeah, like I’m going to hit on a guy
sitting there with his wife and two kids! He wasn’t even hot!

-Val